Hope
by Anastasia Nikoleta
Summary: Hope doesn't abandon you, you abandon it. But how do you know when it's time to give up hope? How do you know when it's time to let go?


Annabeth sat on the dock, one barefoot dangling into the water. Her chin rested on her knee, and she stared out over the water. Had a stranger came upon her, they would say that she was simply day dreaming, the blank look on her face proof of that. However, the campers of Camp Half Blood knew the truth. And that was the reason she was currently sitting alone.

Her friends had figured it was best to leave her to her own thoughts. Whether that was for her good or their own was yet to be determined. They had spent the past two weeks dealing with her strange mood swings and outbursts. One moment she was crying and inconsolable, the next she was screaming at another unfortunate camper who had tried to comfort her. Nothing pleased her and no one was working hard enough. So this moment of quiet respite was welcomed by everyone.

The source of her heartache was obvious. The death of your best friend would certainly effect anyone's emotions.

For nearly two weeks, the campers of Camp Half Blood had hoped and prayed that Percy Jackson would return from his quest alive. Everyone at the camp had held onto the hope that, despite the destruction done to Mount St. Helen's, their favorite son of Poseidon would beat the odds and stroll into to camp with only a few singed hairs as evidence of the battle.

But today, Chiron had decided enough time had passed and that their prayers would not be answered. Today, they would burn his shroud and give up hope. And this was the source of Annabeth's anguish.

Her mind was a whirlwind as she sat, swirling her foot in the water. She had hoped it would give her the strength Percy had always received. But, it seemed a daughter of Athena was not entitled to such privileges because she still couldn't sort through the war that was raging through her mind. She couldn't reconcile herself with the fact that Percy was dead. She knew in her heart that he wasn't, but no one seemed to believe her. It was just easier for everyone to accept his death and move on. She understood she really did. She herself had been secretly glad when other campers had been declared lost, and she had not understood those who choose to fight that fact. It was easier to let the lost go; otherwise they'd spend their whole lives looking for them. But, for her, this was different. Her heart wouldn't, no couldn't, let go just yet, despite how many times her brain tried to make her see the light.

It didn't help that Chiron had asked her to speak. In theory it made sense, have one of his two best friends (the other being AWOL) speak about what an amazing person he was. But she didn't think could do it. Her throat closed over at just the thought of saying goodbye. Her mind was blocking all rational thoughts and she couldn't think of a thing to say. Despite how close she had been to Percy, despite how well she had known him, she just couldn't find the words to describe him properly. She would never be able to do such a kind and wonderful person justice. And that broke her heart into a million pieces because someone like Percy needed a proper send off.

She felt the tears pooling in her lower lids and she frantically tried to blink them away. This was not the time to get emotion. Later, after the funeral was said and done, she could cry all she wanted, but, right now she had to hold them at bay. Percy deserved more than her tears.

Whenever she tried to get her mind off the impending funeral, she was brought back to the short, frantic kiss she had given him before she left. Even now, after a few weeks contemplation, she still didn't understand it. It had been so sudden. As she had sat there looking at her tired and dirty best friend, Annabeth felt all rational leave her. The look of determination in Percy's eyes had driven her to do it. The slightly lost look hadn't helped either. They had both known that it was unlikely he would leave that cave alive.

She had wanted to tell him no, that she would stay and fight alongside him, but she couldn't deny him this last chance at glory. And someone need to stay to make sure Kronos never won.

So instead of staying, she had given him that kiss. One unexplainable kiss. At the time, she hadn't considered the fact that it would be their first, and that it would forever change the paradigm of their friendship. In truth, she couldn't decide what she thought about the whole thing. Her emotions were in a state of pain, and she couldn't think straight. But one thought presented its self insistently, _what if your first had also been your last._

Iciness spread inside her at the thought. She may still be muddle about the kiss, but there was one thing she knew for certain. She didn't want that to be the last. And that thought scared her the most.

"Annabeth," she turned and saw her brother, Malcolm, standing behind her, looking sad and sheepish, "Chiron asked me to find you and tell you that it's about to start."

She didn't have to ask what 'it' was. The look on Malcolm's face said it all.

Having to go and speak at Percy's funeral was killing her. She knew that once his shroud had been turned to ash, she would have to let go of her foolish belief. She would have to resign herself to his death, like everyone else had already done. She would have to give up hope, and she wasn't sure she could.

She nodded silently, before standing and brushing the imaginary dust off her shorts. She opened her mouth, but words didn't come. She cleared her throat and said softly, "Let's go."

(*^&%$#W Q#$%^&*()_(*&^%$^&*()_(*&^%$^&*()_+)(*&^%$^&*()_+_)(*&^%$^&*()_+)(*&*()_+

"_The Fates must enjoy playing with our emotions," _Annabeth thought wryly as she sat upon the same dock, in the same position of nearly three years previous. The past few months had been a torment for her. Once again Percy was gone. Lost. And she was left to pick the pieces. Again.

She signed. It didn't really seem fair. Life had just started to settle down. She and Percy finally gotten the nice quiet, uneventful life they need to start their relationship. Everyone in the demigod world had welcomed the respite from mortal danger. But it hadn't lasted long. Just as the world had set its self right and everything had returned to the natural order, they had had the rug ripped from under their feet.

It was unlike anything she had ever heard or read before. To have two big catastrophes to follow one right after the other was just cruel. They had barely had time to recover from the damage the Titan war had done, and now they were expected to prepare for another.

But they couldn't let that stop them from doing everything they could to be ready. And with the large number of new demigods being found every week, they would have a larger army than last time. But they all had to be trained. And some of them were so young and naive; it hardly seemed fair to send them to their deaths.

Annabeth felt like an old timer surrounded by them all. She chuckled as she thought of the first time a new camper experience everything the Camp Half Blood had to offer. Like archery, sword fighting, and the climbing wall. But then, like every other time before, her mind would wander to Percy's first few days and all the things he had to overcome. And the fact that he wasn't sitting with her, sniggering as the kids tried sword fighting for the first time.

When she considered his disappearance, she would think of the last time she had been left in the lurch. She had been a monster those two weeks. She had been sick with worry, and angry at her ignorance of his whereabouts. Everyone had quickly given up of his ever returning. She had felt so torn during those last few days. Her head told her one thing and her heart another.

At least this time her head and heart were of the same mind. She knew he was alive and, hopefully, safe. That brought her no small amount of comfort.

Many of the senior campers were grateful for that. They remembered what a mess she had been the first time. They simple didn't know how to deal with an emotion, irrational Annabeth. This calm, logical version was much easier to understand.

But, that hardly mattered to Annabeth. She may try to control herself when things got particularly difficult, but, in the end, she couldn't concern herself with her behaviour. She was a girl who had loved and lost twice. And even though she knew Percy was out there somewhere, that didn't stop her from worrying.

Jason had arrived at their camp with his memory wiped. What if Percy was the same? That would mean he wouldn't remember her. Then all those years of memories they shared would be rendered obsolete. And she would lose one of the people she loved to most. She wasn't sure her heart could take it.

Jason tried to quell her worries by saying that his memory was returning little by little, but she wasn't sure she believed him. Occasionally she would spring a question about his old life on him, and his face would go blank. After a few moments he would respond, but she figured he was simply making something up. It wasn't like she could disprove him. He was probably lying to make her feel better. She wasn't sure she appreciated it though. All he was doing was getting her hopes up.

At least she thought that's what he was doing. She didn't know though. And for another month, she would have to live in ignorance.

According to Leo, they were right on schedule. Except, everyday it seemed they were getting less and less done, and more and more problems seemed to be arising. Leo assured her that they were just minor glitches, and they would be worked out in the end. And she supposed he was right. Her heart just didn't understand logic. So she stopped checking in on the progress on the Argo ll. Or should she say, had been banned from checking up on it. She had nearly driven the workers insane with her questions. She tried to say she was just curious. She wanted to learn more about mechanics. She was a daughter of Athena, after all. And they almost believed her, apart from the fact that her questions always tended to stray away from how the gears worked to how much longer it would take, and were they sure they were working as fast as they could? Surely they could go a little faster?

So she had been banned. Indefinitely. She had begged and pled with Chiron to lift the ban. And a few times she thought she had gotten him, but in the end he would just sign and say sadly, "I miss him too, my dear."

That always made tears spring to her eyes, and then, trying to hide them, she would nod, murmur her thanks, and shuffle away. If she hadn't known Chiron better, she would say he was playing dirty. But she knew he missed Percy as much as she did. Plus he had been banned too, in the end.

So she just had to be patient, and wait it out. She tried to distract herself. She researched everything she could about Gaia. Learned every in and out of every monster. She trained new recruits, ensuring they'd be ready for the inevitable battle. She worked them and worked them till she was sure they'd cry. Some complained, but they soon learned that Annabeth didn't like whiners. And that some injuries would never heal no matter how much nectar you drank. But nothing seemed to take the worry away.

On days like today, however, when the sun was high in the sky and the breeze was warm, she would sit down at the dock and think. And worry and fret. Years of experience had taught her that the feeling would only go away when she could see Percy with her own eyes. No amount of reasoning and calm words would settle her mind. So, in the end, she would just have to sit and wait. And that, perhaps, brought the most comfort, because, when it came down to it, she knew in her heart that everything would turn out alright.

Or, at least, she hoped.

* * *

This was originally inspired by Taylor Swift's Last Kiss, but it quickly turned into something else. That's what happens when you write, I suppose. This was not read over by a beta, so there are probably so mistakes. Feel free to correct them.

Review with any questions, comments, or concerns.


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